Wednesday, July 8, 2009 0 comments

so um about that orange line...and brothels.

so um, apparantly there was an annoucement made on at least one of the orange line trains yesterday that they would not be stopping by the dunn loring line. a DCist reader heard it. me, not so much. maybe b/c I only got on one stop. and ppl don't normally take metro one stop.
so apparantly they didn't stop at dunn loring b/c the train was running behind schedule. So Dunn Loring isn't popular enough a stop to stop at. nope. not yours. go use some proactive and get more facebook friends Dunn Loring, then maybe metro will stop for you.

So a few years ago I had the experience of eating at Casa Blanca in Arlington, across from the cinema dafthouse. Until yesterday I thought it was a front for a brothel.
We walked in and were evntually greeted by a waitress wih a skirt so short her ass cheeks hung out when she walked in her knee high pleather spike heeled boots which tied her red halter top together as a certifieable hoochie outfit. All the waitresses wore this um, uniform.
The food was great. plantaines, yuca, empanadas, mmm. which we got about 45 mintes after we ordered. during that time several gentlemen would walk in, sit down at a table and a set of ass cheaks and boobs would great them and they would either get their food right away, or they would disapear to the room upstairs.
Casa Blanca closed over a year ago (I think) when some condos went up on the same block.
Yesterday I went to Shoppers Food Warehouse to do my usual go in to grab cat food and walk out w/50 bucks worth of food routine when I saw them; casa blanca tortillas. I looked at the address on the label, and sure enough it was listed at columbia pike! The place was legit, it wasn't a brothel. And if they did make some denero by selling some ass, then damn these are some good jalapenos tortilla made in a whorehouse.
which wait...when did the place close...and when were these packaged. ..
dios mio

I just finished watching a segment on wmusa 9 news " do we need men now that they have manufactured sperm?" everyone they inteviewed said we still need men. to cuddle, change the oil, kill bugs, put kids to bed at night, take out the trash and mow the lawn. They forgot a very important reason - to open up things. like jars. and can anyone help me get this drill bit out of my drill? I need to hang some shelves and stuff. by my self. no sperm needed! except for thr drill bit part. need to get the right bit into my bit part so i can screw some nails...no, not a euphanism. I'm talking about hardware here people!
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metro why you hurt me so?

So, I like to take metro. a simple statement, but there is much behind it. I won't bore you with all that lies behind this statement, which would include rants on nova drivers, the environment and such.
My car was in the shop for a couple days and luckily it's located near Dunn Loring metro. btw I really think my new mechanics are great. I'm almost afraid to tell you who they are b/c I don't want to jinx things. maybe later. but now its time to talk metro.
So I was abe to get to and fro work and the mechanics by way of metro buses and trains. it was easy and great and I was even contemplating switching to taking metro to work from now on and swallowing a few bucks difference b/c of the payoffs (mainly that tysons traffic makes me a vile venom filled human until about noon- and car reapirsmaintenace cost $$).
Then on my way to dunn loring from west falls church (yes, I took the merto one stop b/c the bus system in fairfax is lacking in um, oh common sense. I'll get to that on another post). But the train never stopped at Dunn Loring. Not even a pause or a break. The train kept on going and going until we got to Vienna. There weren't any service announcements whatsoever to indicate that we were not going to stop in Dunn Loring.
I got off at Vienna looking and listening for some sign or information about what just happened. I saw about half a dozen somewhat confused and panic stricken folks who remained on the plattform as we got bulldozed by thousands of pedestrians who apparantly failed the obstacle course lesson in gym class in the 1st grade (hint: you see a sedentary object, you fuckin weave around it bicthes, don't expect my "omfg what just happend" ass to move- oh and dont' touch my wicked sensitive skin with your razor ass sharp finger nails to indictae you'll be getting off at the next stop WE ARE ALL GETTING OFF THE TRAIN- IT'S THE END OF THE LINE. THE TRAIN IS STILL MOVING. EXCUSE ME FOR NOT THROWING MY BODY IN FRONT OF THE FUCKIN DOOR WHILE IT'S STILL MOVING..my skin gets sensitive at certain times of the month.. .ahem).
So we get back on the next train going towards NCAR and voila, and thank god the train stopped at Dunn Loring.
At first I was wicked pissed b/c I needed to get to my mechanics by closing time and I didn't plan in my time schedule for metro to go flying past my stop. I mean, does anyone?
When the tragedy of the red car trains happend a couple weeks ago I continued to take metro thinking OK, don't let one incident shake you. I'm big into 2nd chances. for the most part. er hmm. well anyway.
But now, I'm worried. Esp after seeing the 11 o clock news last night about a metro employee who was caught on camera texting! So before watching the news I was thinking omg, the signal failed like it did on the red line train a couple weeks ago! But now I'm wondering if it was some slackass metro employee texting someone and forgetting about stopping at dunn loring.
Dunn Loring may not be the most populated and used stop, but it's still there, like many things that you don't want to do, but have to anyway- like taxes and changing the toilet paper roll.
I wrote to metro. Filled out an official complaint form. I doubt I will hear back from them. I'm contemplating contacting Dr.Gridlock from washpost and greater greater washingotn, since they are usually in the know of metro issues.
So I'm trying to get away from driving to work b/c well, my car has over 100k miles and needs tires a fuckingen! yes kids, run flat sports tires last about 18 months. and they cost 3x as much as regular tires, which last 3x as long. but they have saved my ass on multiple occassions. b/c apparantly my car has a pension for driving over sharp objects like, ooh nails.
Right, so, milage off the mini and onto my bike. I got a bike map of fairfax county and I'm not afraid to use. it. it's awesome. oh I also heart my bike shop too. again, afraid of jinxing. but i'll reveal them soon.
So according to the bike map, and street that would make a nice direct route from fairfax to tysons is not bike friendly. so i will be weaving around the county to get to work. I may start tomorrow. start on that 72 miles to lose a pound o fat. so maybe taking the long way to work is a good thing.
Monday, July 6, 2009 0 comments

Midgets & Virtual snobbery.

So the "little people" want to make it illegal to use the word midget. They're bringing it to the FCC.

As someone who is only 4 inches away from being a midget- yes, you little people heard me correctly I said the M word MIDGET! I love that word. Really. The way it rolls of the tongue like some vocaby latin word...midget.

I think the term "little people" sounds incredibly more demeaning. Children are called little people. Would you, as a vertically challanged adult want to be grouped in the same classification as humans who aren't potty trained ?

I think midget sounds much more technical. Scientific in fact. I can see someone in a lab coat, clipboard in hand, glasses on, peering into a microscope and say "yes in fact we found the midget gene. we need to start cathartization and increase 02 outputs in order to have the bionic marker complete." Could you see them say "little person" with the same staunch scientific demeanour? Mm nope.

If I was 4 inces shorter you bet your tall ass that I would demand to be called a midget. Scream it from the top of the step ladder! Midget! Say it w/your helium inflected voice! Embrace the word. Love the word. MMMMMidget.


*********************
So the Arlington snobbery has grown and in fact infected virtual lives. I'm talking about folks who live in Arlington who are not facebook friending those who live in Fairfax. Ok maybe the facebook friends request also came w/a very drunk message. But still.

Ok mister I made a funny video and became a youtube sensation, be that way, don't accept my virtual friendship. no hard feelings. really. I'm OK. I don't need to be one of your 4000 friends. I have my own pool of virtual friends who accept my friendship. pfflllt. Viva la fairfax bitches!


Oh and speaking of awesome youtube videos.
Literal Total eclipse of the heart


I really don't understand everyone's hard-on for Arlington. Ever since Dremos closed I find myself in DC more often. I mean, it has its awesomeness like the cinema drafthouse & etc. Maybe I am too old for the Arlington scene. Case in point:
A scene from a typical Arlington bar last week:

Me, wearing a VCU football t-shirt (this is funny b/c VCU doesn't have a football team. only 1 person got this)
Random dude at bar: Hey VCU football! hah, that's awesome! funny shirt since they don't have a team. I went there.
Me: You did? cool, when did you graduate?
Dude: 2006. When did you graduate?
Me: 1999.
Dude: Oh... um. uh. er.
Me: Yeah, so this t shirt is pretty much an antique. It's going to be worth a lot of money soon.


***********************
So Artomatic is done for the year. So sad. it was good times. met some great, talented folks. I'm def looking forward to next year. It sparked my hunger for doing art again and being more involved in the arts scene. Thanks to all those involved!
Monday, June 29, 2009 0 comments

biking away from the county

With my cruise to Alaska a month away I have gone into panic mode. and by panic I mean emergency weight loss mode. bring on the whey shakes and hours of bike riding. I was reading recently that for someone of my weight to lose 1 lb of body fat I can bike 72 miles, run 34 or walk 42...oh and have 64 sessions of sex. which would equate to me needing to have um sessions ooh about um 1900 times. well, actually it'd be more, b/c for someone who weighs 30 bs less than me, they need to have fun times 79 times. So, since I am single, this is not an option. And with the whole HIV scare in the porn industry, it doesn't look like that(becoming a porn star) is an option for me right now as well. Well, that and the fact that I wouldn't want to destroy the good family name and all. plus ron jeremy is icky. and by icky i mean he look like something a walrus crapped out.
Although, that could make a good pick up line. "excuse me, but would you please help me in my weight loss goal? I need to have sex about 2000 times in order to fit into a bikini."
hmm. yeah. so on the bike I go! just need to pedal er over 2000 miles in a month! just 72 miles a day... hmm ...er. 2k happy times seems much more fun. But if you see some chick biking all around NOVA, it's prob me, b/c I still can't get a date.


So in a post a week or so ago I wrote about how Fairfax CITY is the #3 place to live in by forbes. Not COUNTY. CITY. Yes our adorable little historic town which is surrounded by the ever growing and monstrous COUNTY.
So Proof positive that people in leadership roles are godamn idiots; a COUNTY board member wants to change the name of fairfax county to fairfax city. here, read on:
http://tiny.cc/xpgpQsigh
I'm just glad I wasn't part of electing this jackass to the board. OK here we go 1) you're a fuckin idiot. 2) don't try to steal out fuckin thunder. we're #3, not you, nope. us. with the good budgets and low taxes and crime rates stuff. pffllt. 3) do you have any fuckin clue how much money it would cost to rebrand all your shit from county to city 4) do you have any idea how much godamn confusion that would cause ppl? 5) do you know what that hole between your ass cheaks is? yeah its called your asshole which you are, so try not to speak form it.
The board members main argument is about road maintenance. The former supervisor, now a congressman thinks its a bad idea given the current budget shortfalls -ooh only 350 million gap. the current head supervisor thinks its ok to take a look at it. but she was also part of the whole 350 million gap too. so i reallly wouldn't trust her when it comes to making decisions on well, anything. maybe what color shoes she should wear. nah, she'd prob wear brown with black slacks.
wow, you know you're getting old when local politics piss you off.
I should use that energy to bike about 72 miles today
Friday, June 19, 2009 0 comments

this entry brought to you by

sam adams and um tequila and dos equis...er yeah
king size bed sheets- most esp fitted ones- can come in handy in case of fire. use them as a parachute- grab and jump from 3rd floor balcony. this hasn't been proven as safe as of yet. but ya know just in case.it's an idea and an option
there is no shame in jello wrestling. its important life skills really.
the minute the antibiotics kick in is right around happy hour.
begone swine flu as i await my hangover in the morning
Monday, June 15, 2009 0 comments

#3 Place to live in!..according to Forbes

That's right folks! This gal here is a resident of the #3 Place to live in the U.S.! ...according to Forbes. That's totally the reason I haven't moved to the city yet...mm hmm. Not b/c there is no way I can sell my place in this market and I have to fix it up big time before I can rent it out. But yeah. ya know. Number 3! It makes me feel better about not having moved to the city yet and being in the 'burbs of DC.
The article cites various factors in their decision making process, such as tax rates, independent water sources (we get out water from a spring...it's even bottled-the brita filter in my fridge is only for emergencies), affordable living, and household income (89k! hahahhaa...I SO do not contribute to that attribute/factoid.)

One thing it did not mention was the sense of community. It's a place where you can hang out at the pool on a Sunday afternoon and barter works among neighbors, plan a night of margaritas and swim with a gal you use to lifeguard with when you were a teen. Where working for 16 hours during a primary election is a day full of stories and smiles.

It has the small town atmosphere yet it's close enough to DC to enjoy all it has to offer.

Our Mayor and his family own a sweet shop/cafe. If that doesn't say friggin adorable town, then ppfffllllttt! Oh and 3 words; Chocolate Lovers Festival. Really? need I say more?
So we don't have too many highly educated 24-35 yr olds living here. They are living in Arlington, ya know, wearing brown flip flops and hanging out at the starbucks or the starbucks or the starbucks...
Maybe I'm waxing whatever to make myself feel better about my current living situation. But if so, then I've convinced myself that for now, it is a best place to live.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009 0 comments

Scenes from the weekend

scenes from the weekend

Opening night of artomatic
I worked my volunteer shift at the beginning of the night with a fellow named Walter who provided much amusement as we found out we hung out at the same places years ago. We got to unload the beer from the truck and help out some band members (like the nice guys in Petworth) with dropping off their equipment and such. Hosting skills came in handy as they switched me to the front door. great group of friends came for opening night. Mused about fellow artist works. amazed and inspired by many. felt very humbled and realized I really need to get my art act together more. hung out on 9th and 2nd floor until zombie mode kicked in.
******
On the metro ride home...
two white dudes in their 20s apparantly got in a fight. I say apparantly b/c I was asleep with my library book open, wearing a hoodie and sneaks surrounded by drunken 20 yr olds wearing so much hair gel and sequence and takings dozens of dig pics I thought I was on the gay pride train. The train got quiet and people started moving to our end of the car. The short and scrawnier of the guys had blood all over his face and crisp white shirt-doing what I call the "angry seahawk". It's when a guy puts his arms out in a comfrontation way against the other person in a fight and usually 'say sup man c'mon'. I wonder what the fight was about... who twitters better ashton or john mayer perhaps? I mean what do white kids in their 20s fight about on the metro? My student loans from GW are higher than yours?
*******
At the engagement party in Cville...
BBQ and cupcakes. cute name tags and hawaiian shirt. Her Dad plays in a band, which of course played at the party. She and her Mom danced the night away-big bonus points! My 19 month old neice totally stole the show with her hip swaying and even b girl moves on the dance floor. I danced with my Grandpa to sweet caroline and wondered how much longer he would remember the words to the song and be able to dance with his jazz hands. My 13 yr old nephew is in his OMG this is sooo embarrasing! stage. My Mom was able to wrangle him for a few minutes to dance with him until he noticed my Dad taking their picture. The end of the night winded down with promsies for a trip to a nearby vineyard the next day.
*****
in Cville
Met Jenn for a yummy lunch in downtown cville. Went back to my car to see my hood ornament gone. sigh. The next car I own won't have a cool logo. There were distinctive fingerprints around it, but the police just said to fill out an incident report out online. Hung out in the nearby salad shop while doing so and looking up info about repalcement emblems. Talked cars with one of the guys there. the salad shop was one that Heather and I had talked about and wished they had one in nova. Its basically make your own salad. left feeling better but with 3 holes on the hood of my car. Everytime I lave cville I want to turn right back around and stay there. Its beautiful, in the moutnains, not too far from the water or DC and plenty of vineyards and microbrews nearby. I could open a strawberry picking farm I thought as I drove home, towards the traffic, towards the passive agressive emails awaiting my inbox at the office where I stayed until past midnight on a Sunday finishing up work that apparantly no one else can do and since I left an hour early Friday, I have to pony up. Pay 43 bucks for a new emblem and look at plane tickets to Denver for the end of September. Think more about selling my place and just renting in the city.
****
The emblem
I thought about not buying another emblem for my car. saving the money and such. I mean, its like botoxing an 80 yr old hooker. my girl has seen her days. she gets me to where I need to be and thats what matters right now. and it rides well too. but the more I look at the 3 holes in the hood the more it looks like a hooker who's wig has been torn off. combine that with all the rest of my cars imperfections and it just highlights how my car is falling apaprt. So I'll put the ornament back on and try to save what little beauty and dignity my car has left. Dignity can be bought for 43 bucks.
 
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