Wednesday, February 23, 2011 1 comments

We now return to your regularly scheduled blog

For those who use to follow this blog, welcome back! Yes, it's been a while. Very long while. But hey I'm back and see... I uh changed the template layout... so it's um. Not that big of a difference.
Hey, I've been tweeting. that's considered by some to be microblogging. See, the word Blog is in there. And I keep sketching out these funny stories and by sketching I mean really crappy sketches that look like a 2 year old with 3 fingers on its right hand high on meth would draw.
But soon I will have some comicy stories up. So prepare yourself. I'll give you a little teaser--the story is called "I can see Cuba on your back!" It's a story about using self tanner the day before your sisters wedding and other interesting events that ensued. Are you enticed yet? oh yeah. it's going to be awesome. as long as your expectations are low. like really low. like a haircut form a defective flowbee being operated by a man with hook hands.
Friday, December 4, 2009 0 comments

Oh Hai der..um I was busy and stuff

so um. I kinda have been sucking lately about updating this thingy. Though the next time you see this it will be different and fabulous!..unless something happens to distract me causing me to rant and procastinate..much like this has always been.
So quick updates:
My parents moved into their new house! They sold the ol' homestead in 3 days. Kid. u. not. That's how much they rock. The warm and fuzzy thing is that the ppl who bought the place know my family- their sons use to play baseball w/my nephew.
They're settled into their 55 and over community about 50 miles south of here. They have some lovely neighbors from what I hear and their house has new house smell. mmm new house smell. yummy. It's up there as some of my favorite scents along with new car smell, sharpie markers and fabric softener.
Heather is still kicking breast cancers ass. She can rock a wig better than any tranny I know. not that she's tranny or looks like one, but it's just um seems that most ppl who wear wigs are men who ya know... um. er. whatever. she looks fabulous.
I would like to thank the kind and generous ppl who bought me savings bonds for my baptism back in 1978. Without them, or rather cashing them, I would not have been able to afford the repairs to my car. Yeah. that bad. for friggin headlights and tires! When some jackass car sales rep tells you that xenon headlights are good for the life of the car - take note that most ppl's idea of the life of a car is not past 100k miles apparantly. argh. one bulb costs 150 bucks! as much as my run flat tires.
So I hope ppl like macaroni neclaces- b/c that's what ya'll getting for Xmas this yera. Hey- they're wearable and edible! most items like that you can't wear in public w/out shame and scrutiny.
So yeah, I'll also be rockin the mass trans a lot more now. I know you're saying...but you just put all this money into your car to fix it... well ,yes. but my car is getting up there in miles. and just b/c you give grandma a new hip doens't mean you can make her keep running marathons. she's only going to need more work done to her, and well I think it's ok that she switch to water aerobics. oh like you've never compared your car to your grandma? really? just me? meh.

so await the next entry which will have sketches of some adventures I've had in the past few months- including Alaska, Colorado, WV, Bob Dylan, Mo Rocca and a variety of other stories and stuff.
yes, sketches. I want to try to do a sketch a day. I don't want to suffer from creative atrophie, which can happen when you use a comp/mouse and not a sketchpad/pen. So be prerared for some pretty sucky sketches at first. and less written rants. more visual rants. it'll be awesome. totally. bitchin even. tubular. gnarly. rad. whatevs. just stay tuned and stuff.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 0 comments

Save secod base!

No, I'm not going to write about the Yanks and Angels game. sorry...I think.
This is about October being breast cancer awareness month. This time it really hits close to home. No, it's not b/c I have grown a sudden attachment to my girls. who's bra's so large it could provide shelter small villages in tahiti.
No this time it hits close to home b/c one of my closests friend was recently diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. She's only 28 yrs old. Yes she was diagnosed with breast cancer during breast cancer awareness month. She's being very proactive about her treatments and all it encompasses. she's already shaved her head and bought some fabulous wigs. she's got the snuggie and an army of friends and family here for her for anything she needs. She is one of the strongest people I know. chuck norris cries in the fetal position when he sees her. she's going to kick this cancers ass like chuck norris would kick your ass...ok I can do better than that...damnit I shouldn't blog and watch the yankees play...go Yankees!
So, check your boobs. Yes you. Even dudes. ok not right now. I mean, if you really want to sure but if you're reading this in public, then um. ya know. that could be awkard. or fun. your choice. just maybe not in front of the children. or ugly dudes. or too many cameras.
you'd think going through ye ol' cancer thing so many times in the past couple years I' be stronger by now. used to it. but you never get use to it. you also never get jaded. maybe I'm stronger by now. I can hold off on not crying in front of my friend (for the most part). But cancer effects each person differently and each person effects your life differently as well.
yankeees winnn!!!!!
cancer sucks!!!
check yo self before you wreck yo self
.............
an actual convo today at the bike shop w/my Dad:
bike shop dude: so yeah, you definitely need to replace the cable over here, its totally frayed.
dad: what's it afraid of?
bike shop dude: um. uh,
me and dad: bwhahaaa snort
bike shop dude: ohhhh. heh.
dad: sorry..we're moving. we've been through a lot. little things ..amuse.
**********
so I'm going on a soft food diet for 3 weeks. I have a temporary crown in. yeah..not even 32 and I already have 4 crowns. awesome. so yeah maybe have some protein shakes with some added calcium and flouride. start drinking lots of tap water and milk from chuck norris' teet
++++++++
dear liver: I am very very very sorry about this past weekend. my bad. it won't happen again. at least not until this weekend b/c alcohol counts as a soft food.
dear mind: gee thanks for taking a vacay Saturday night. where the hell were you after say.. 9 pm sat night? b/c I don't remember a damn thing.
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sorry if I've been remis. travel, parents moving and just ya know, stuff. happens. I'll work on getting back in touch w/ya soon
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 0 comments

journey to a journey

work until 6
go to kickball game
go to bar for 1 beer
go to ross to get carry on bag big enough to fit laptop and clothing for trip
and sunglasses. b/c I've lost or killed 6 pairs thus far this summer alone.
go back to work
finish projects and attempt to "check-in" online for flight.
"check-in" attempt somehow fails.
leave office at 12:30 ish. a.m.
go home and sort laundry
look up denver info
sleep for 3 hours
do laundry
highlight hair w/home highlighting kit while laundry washes
pack while laundry is in dryer
grab laundry still sorta damp from dryer, throw into hamper
throw hamper into car along with bags
hit tons of traffic en route to airport b/c of accident and rushhour
get on rt. 50 and head to 495.
clean out bag of old receiepts and tickets...
turn around and go back home
grab ticket under pile of stuff in living room. the $112 ticket you bought on stubhub b/c you didn't think to buy 2 tickets when you bought 1 and when you go to buy another, it's all sold out.
head back to airport.
traffic. accidents. traffic.
look at the time. oh. crap. no way.
call up coworker and tell her you can't make it to her house in time for her to bring you to the airport then for her to turnaround and make it to her fligth at another airport.
traffic. traffic. traffic.
debate between daily parking and long term parking... 9 vs 12 bucks.
daily parking is closer and would guarantee arrival to fligth you are already running very late for...
get to airport. holy shit 17 bucks a day for daily parking? 10 bucks a day for "economy"?
do the math. economy it is!
and there goes a shuttle bus to bring from the parking to the airport. walking is not an option.
wait for another bus. which makes at least 6 more stops along the way. each time with people with tons of luggage and who are moving at the pace of constipated hippos.
get to the airport with confirmation in hand and head to delta counter.
receive error message at check in screen
see an agent. it's about 9:18 a.m. flight is for 9:51 a.m.
see another special agent.
she types. she looks at me
you missed your flight she says.
you were supposed to be here half an hour before your flight.
look at watch to see it's 9:23.
try not to dry heave or scream or cry
agent says she can rebook on the 11 o clock flight
for 50 bucks.
hand over card.
head to gate.
open laptop to do some work.
no wi-fi. dulles, how I hate you.
head to denver for an amazing weekend.
so amazing that I might want to revisit on a permanent basis.
we'll see.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009 0 comments

Moving up and out

I'll post stories of my travel adventures soon. I'm still going through over 2000 photos (!), and am trying to select some some gems which best illustrate the story.
I know when most folks come home from vacation posting photos is one of the first things they do, but I've been a little preoccupied since my return.
As I mentioned earlier I've been going through mounds of belongings (crap) to make room for my new roommate, my friend Alison whom I've known for about 16 years. But I wasn't the only one in my family with moving and disposing of crap on their agenda. My parents are selling their house and moving to a 55 and over community about 40 miles away.
My sister broke the news to me in tears, unable to hold it in before my parents told me. I sat there in shock trying to soak it in. Our parents have lived in that house since 1991. At one point we had 7 people living in the 5 er 6 bedroom house on the quiet cul de sac within walking distance to all of our schools and a lake. It's where we gather every Sunday like a norman rockwell a la Italian version for dinner. At one point it seemed as if we were recreating Queens N.Y in our neighborhood with my parents, my grandma and my sister (and nephew) all living within a half a mile of each other in separate homes. Life is never stagnant, and the family ideal will alwasy change. We just always hope it's for the better because change isn't alwasys good.
But it's not the house, it's what it symbolizes and what's inside. It means no more 15 minute jaunts over to visit Mom and Dad to sit on the front porch and have a glass of wine as we talk about our days or I borrow one of Dad's tools. No more Sunday dinners where we play pass the babies between bites of pasta.
But they'll only be about 45 minutes away. It'll be like moving from Queens to Long Island. They'll be near my brother and his fiance. And I know it'll be a good situation for them. Taking care of large house in your retirement days is not what someone wants to do. Always a repair or maintence or etc. The neighborhood is younger now and with most folks either too busy or keeping to themselves to have the almost monthly gatherings at someones house. Friends disperse in their own retirement suites around the coast.
The community they'll be moving to has many ammenities; a new home, golf cart community, and such. It'll be easier for my Mom to get around and my Dad won't have to contantly repair something or another and he can relax and theyc an both focus on their health
I think having your own place really helps with a transition like this. I think if I was renting I would feel like I was losing some sort of comfort or structure or etc. home.
Now that I am opening my home up to someone else it's really making me realize how one can get set in their ways when they live alone too long. esp when the place is one which you own (well, the bank really owns it but whatevs-no, not foreclosure- just crappy loan). But I needed that exercise in compormise as well as getting rid of toooooooooooons of shtuff. how the hell did I manage to accumulate so much junk? and sifting through it, dear god it's time consuming! And you have to sift though it b/c you might find something useful like ooh tax information and pin numbers that you've been looking for...oops.
Going through all of my belongings is a great thing to do when you're really close to being broke. It makes you realize just how wealthy you are in some aspects. And it really turns you off from doing any shopping except maybe food shopping.
It was great timing too. coming back from a trip, recharged and renewed with the gusto of life, it makes it easier to tackle the mounds of boxes and just toss what you don't need. It's hard when you know how much money you had spent on those items - but when you see less mounds of stuff you feel so much less of a burden upon yourself.
So my parents and I are living out our own personal HGTV specials. I wouldn't mind being the star of a different kind of tv special, but this works for now.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009 0 comments

Random bits before I leave

Long Live Midgets!--Literally.

Women taller than 5-foot-2 may be missing a gene mutation that helps them reach their 100th birthday, according to a study in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Suck it tall people! I will out-live your asses to see the apocolpyse!
...this is what a lifetime of having to hem pants and dresses will do to a gal. midget rage.

Cut off his pair if you can't jog in a pair
In the past week there have been two incidents in the DC metro area of female joggers being assulated. One incident was in broad fuckin daylight on the W & OD. the asshole was a white dude on a cruiser bike. The other incident was in rock creek park and the asshole was a drunken latino. The media and police are of course urging women to run in pairs.
How sad is it in todays world where a woman cannot go for a jog by herself w/out the fear of being raped? Sometimes running by yourself is the best form of therapy. I will take a path in the outdoors over a treadmill anyday, but now, not so much.
So I'm going to develop this special belt to wear while jogging. A holster if you will. It will hold mace/pepper spray, a knife, a cell phone w/digital camera, flares and marbles.
So it works like this- you first mace the dude, but if that doesn't do the trick then you cut his dick off with the knife. then you take a picture of the asshole with the cell phones digital camera as you call 911. then to help out the police you light off flares to make it easier for them to find the dickless bastard. and last but not least, the marbles to leave them in a path behind you for him to trip on a la scooby doo style.
I'm wondering hwo long it will take to patent this device. I need to make it light weight, stylish, yet effective.

Clean Sweep!
I'm getting a roommate shortly. Which means I need to get rid of about half my belongings, aka crap, to make room for her. It's going to be a good thing. I need to clean house and I need a bit of a restart as well.
I'm trying to pretend I'm in an episode of TLC's clean sweep. Though it would really help if I had a handsome English dude telling me what to throw away. And it seems I'm constantly on commercial break, meaning I um haven't exactly started yet. But I will soon. soon! yes..after these short messgaes...

Leaving on a a jet plane....
I'm going on a two week long vacation to the west coast. more specifically SF California, Canada and Alaska. I'm beyond excited. I can't wait to see my friends in SF and I've been wanting to go to Alaska for years. We're doing an Alaskan cruise- so not too much time in AK, but still, any bit I can get, I'll be estatic. AND this is the longest vacation I've been on! And no, this does not mean I'm money bags, it means my friend Heather and I are frugal ass dealin biatches. We're going on bike tours instead of aerial tours. and etc. The countdown begins...
follow me on twitter while I'm out there..well, if I can get cell reception while out there. and yes, my twitter name is geezthings
Monday, July 13, 2009 0 comments

People who rock

People who rock
A) Remy. watch all his videos If you don't laugh, then you're lame. or a douche. or an asshole.
B)Noodle and Co. in Old Town Fairfax. We sampled the entire menu last Thursday and I am still in noodle bliss. The Shift Lead "E" is adorable, and we all said with brick of rice krispy in hand that we'd love to work there.
C) damnit, I can't remember.
D) Michele from Criaglist for selling her vintage road bike to me! Yay!
E) Ben for showing Heather the ad on Craigslist for the bike
F) Raye Anne for helping me de-install my exhibit
G) Rebecca my awesome neighbor for driving me to the metro when I was sans wheels last week
H) er...crap...there was something else...
I) Heather, for showing me the Craigslist ad that Ben showed her
J)...j..j..j.... .. . . . .
K) the makers of beer and wine and spirits. which I could use right now. apparantly.

stay tuned for the list of ppl who make me drink! ..kidding. er. m. nope.
 
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