open and shut doors

It's october 14th. I have a sunburned face, a nice shade of hot pink that only barbie could love. my ankles are covered with about oh 20 mosquito bites. and I was greated at my door this morning by a neighbor who was very concerned b/c my car door had been open for the last 45 minutes and they couldn't get ahold of me. well actually, i think it may have been open all night.

welcome to a day in the life of moi.

the sunburn is from a really great weekend of campin and canoeing in the northern neck of VA. the skeeter bites i attribute to a free loading hitch hiking blood sucking, no, not an ex boyfriend, a skeeter that sneaked into the car when we were packing. and feasted upon the oh so tasty ankle blood. it must taste fabulous, judging by the size and amount of bites. god only knows how fat the skeetr is now...i think i saw the skeeter later try out for the redskins. i'm surprised the damn thing didn't die from my veneous bitter boiling blood. but whatevs. hey, at least parasites still want me.
so my morning started like this:
I'm in the shower and I hear the phone ring repeatdly. my home phone which aside form god only knows how many non profits and other surveyers i think maybe 5 people actually call this number. so who the hell is calling me at 8:30 am (yes, i was running late shutup). my answering machine (yes old school shutup again) is full, so no message, but i see that my neighbors have called my cell phone. oh shoot they must really want their sander back..they called about it on saturday and oh crap, they're probably staying home from work to work on their project that requires a sander and ok umm where'd it go. so i rush to the door to answer the knocks, hair dripping wet, in my bathrobe. and there is my awesome across the hall neighbor apologizing and saying.' i think i've seen too many episodes of CSI and we saw your car door has been open for 45 miunutes an we couldn' get ahold of you and we just thought something was wrong. ' well soemthig is wrong. i'm a friggin dumbass.

there is a very good possibility i left it open. that's how my days have been lately. I had worked over 12 hours and had a lot on my mind. It doesnt' seem like anything is missing from the car. there is so much crap in it right now it's kinda hard to tell. but all the important things seem to be in there. so..moral of the story, if there is one..is a) I'm becoming an abscent minded idiot b/c of events in my life b) my neighbors across the hall are friggin awesome and I'm beyond lucky to have ppl like them c) I either have some really honest neighbors or I have so much useless crap in my car no one would want to bother taking any of it. and d) my gurdian angel is working overtime. last month it ws the brownies burning in the oven and how the door to my balcony magically blew open in the middle of the night so the place wouldn't fill with smoke.

so here I am working full time and going to school full time. getting a degree in arts education. and I live in virginia. and guess what? yeah we have a budget shortfall. so there are going to be cuts. and guess what they're going to cut? yup ding dig ding. arts education among many many other programs. I could go on about this. and I might in upcoming posts. mark fisher of the wash post said it fairly well when he said:

"In a government jam-packed with unnecessary programs and foolhardy supports for businesses that can't seem to make it on their own, the state chooses instead to take out its budget woes on children, who, of course, can't vote. So despite all the rhetoric about how schools still care about teaching kids how to learn and how to love learning, the grim focus on rote basics continues apace, as Virginia eliminates its grants for art education for public schools (savings: $90,000), savages arts organizations with an 85 percent cut in second-quarter grant awards (savings: $604,000), and eliminates financial assistance for programming by local arts coalitions (savings: $114,000.)"

welcome to virginia. where they spend more state funds/tax dollars on training bingo callers than they provide for arts grants.
and also a state where Palin mistakes a group of supporters for a group of protesters...I hope tina fey somehow covers this... http://www.wtop.com/?nid=600&sid=1496465

50 foot blue balls

so this is the cause of the crisis on wall street...or vice versa



ok so after speaking with some folks the other day, it turns out my halloween costume idea well, needs to be revised. and by that I mean they had never heard of the movie in which I would be playing the character from it. the movie came out again in 1993. it starred darrel hannah! of splash? god i'm old. so time to rethink the halloween costume. and one that does not involve me going on a crash diet b/c I just got an email about chocolate cake in the 5th floor pantry...mm breakfast.
Update: even older folks haven't heard of the movie- the original movie at that. I was told by someone today that it wan't a good movie..so that's probably why people haven't heard of it. so, i am not old, I just watch some really bad movies.

So i'm practing waking up early. so i can wake up in time to work the elections in less than a month. yes, i need to practice these things. the good, er, bad thing is, if i sleep more than 6 hours i get bad lower back pains. also, having a cat who you are a little allergic to, smack you repetdly in your face with her butt is a way to get out of bed too. how many ppl can say the first words out of their mouth in the morning is "get your hairy ass out of my face! " you? oh well, hey its like i'm in some west virginia drag strip show.

and speaking of sexy beasts...

have a good weekend kiddies...I'm hitting the northern neck for some campin. and hopefully once I get some moolah I'll be visiting this sexy beast and some other folks as well.

happy birthday you sexy pagan

So today is Heathers B day! yay! another year closer to being an AARP member! So she's having a b day party saturday night and you should come. Yes you and you...and o why the heck you too. It's in burke. I know, gasp. the suburbs! but come out. drink, be merry, not mary, she doens't like competition. even if you don't know heather, just come. she said so. and that's really the only reason you need. and bring hot single men. I know, they are an endangerd speices in these parts. they take careful bate, like free alcohol to lure them in.



oh and tonight there is some show at red and black about girls in rock. its like 8 bucks. sounds fun- anyone wanna go?



Oh so thinking about Heather's b day, I started thinking about my own fate, and what I wanted and I thought...I could really use an f'in nose job. but these things aren't cheap- so I was thinking...what if i had it covered by insurance b/c it was considred reconstructive surgery? like what if my nose suddenly by some freak accident got shattered into a million peices? so, for my birthday, please help me in this plan, just make sure i'm really drunk so I don't feel the pain, and don't do the whole make my bone peirce my brain. b/c then i'd die and that's really uncool.


So speaking of surgery- have you ever wanted to get a labatomy? or know someone who could use one? well my friend, work for places such as indymac and most home appraisers and you get them for free!! yeah...not a good week for me.



So speaking of scary things- so I came up with a halloween costume idea- but after doing some research from the original characters the outfit I'd have to wear is um a wee bit revealing. halloween and skantaly clad outfits? no way! Ok so seriouyly folks, halloween has tunred from funny, clever, and most importantly scary costumes into a big ol slutfest. am I going to a halloween party or to springbreak beach party? you name it they have a slutty verison fo the costume: or rather "sexy". such as: sexy cop, sexy UPS driver, sexy nurse, sexy sanitation engineer- that one is wicked hot! b/c nothing says pagan holiday fun like showing your ass cheeks to a crowd of rabid douchebags. seriouly ppl have some friggin creativity. but then again, no one ever took the smart creative girl home.

So I need to re start my perpetual diet in order to fit into this outfit w/out having to wear a bodystocking underneath. i figure being poor is a good diet regime. for exampel i discovered a really great recipe for poor man's sushi the other day. here are the ingredients: sushi rice + imagination. yup. as you are spooning the sushi rice into your mouth via free carry out chopsticks, think of past memories of ahi grade tuna and avacado. mmm. ...those were the days...

where is my earth?

*insert primal scream here*.
ohh so much to write about the current financial crisis..but I won't. I'm too f' in exhausted. and we've heard enough. I just want to say if i was god i'd make it so every schmuck who has anything to do with the depletion of my f 'in assets (along w/ the rest of the world) should start profusely bleeding from their a holes. graphic I know. but its a lot tamer than the other things that, i, as god would have done. which is why i'm not god. no , I'm but a mere meek person waiting to inherit the earth. c'mooon earth.
so speaking of god and religion- all my tribe members- happy new year!
i could use a bottle of champagne for myself right now. not to celebrate..just to have something bubbly inside me. aside from the usual gas. but it bedtime. so its off to drinkign bedtime beverages -like listerine. or a hot totty- our family recipe was warm milk, scotch ad butter. or was it brandy? scotch brandy, whatevs the butter made it yummy. and thats how you put your children to bed- by spiking er enhancing milk with mild sedatives often used to alleviate teething pain. and cause liver scheloris and grandpa to gamble away the trust money.
sweet dreams. tomorrow is a new fiscal year..lets make it a good one.

out demon monsters! out!

ok so a new week with hopefully no psysho male bashing posts. I blame it on my brain being in a vice grip by sinus monsters. And possibly too much pepto bismo. which I found is useless when you're doubled over in abdominal diress until 3 am. pink stuff you failed me! onto homeopathic stuff like ginger tea, yoga, heroine. etc.

so some snippets from some convos from the weekend:
first convo:
at the public library check out counter
Librarian: Hi there, I can help you! do you need to just check out some items?
me: um, yeah and pay some fines too.
libararian: ok well let's see if we can check out the books first then take care of your fines (scans my library card) hmm..oh um, no it appears we have to pay the fines first.
me: ok that's fine (whips out check book)
librarian (scanning the card again) hmm. um, this can't be right...let me try it again (scans card again) uh 90 dollars?...
me: yeah, that sounds about right. do I make the check out to FCPL?

Yes..I think I single handidly fund the FCPL Christmas dinner at mortons every year. I know as a daughter of a retired libarian I should be better. I was trying to be frugal and check out books instead of buying them at borders (computer langauge books) but the books got swallowed in my condo..and blah blah. I suck. as a new years reoslution i will not acrew any new fines. the lovely folks at FCPL will have to have a potluck christmas dinner this year, sorry folks.

another convo:
mom: hey G, father kevin was saying that they're going to have a blessing of the animlas at the church on friday! you should bring Pica there!
dad: nanette, it's a blessing, not an exorcism!
I seriously may bring her...if not then I think i'll siphon some holy water out of the hand dipping bowls and put some in my cats water bowl. maybe the evil rug uninator demons and ankle biting kitty bitch smacking demons will finally begone from her feline body. b gone! I comand you urine demons! stop making angry biscuit noises at 5am!

another convo:
A: where are you?
G: um, well you called my home phone, so I'm currently walking into my bedroom..why?
A; oh right, well, I'm trapped
G um. like mentlaly emotionally physically?
A: in my basement. my bright light that my family is locked me in the basement before leaving for NJ. the doors and windows that go outside are alarmed and my dad locked the door that goes rom the main floor down to the basement.
G: so you either have to find a hatchet and break through the door that goes upstairs or set off the alarm.
A: or somehow get jagger (family dog) to disable the alarm
G: how about when you open the back door then I'll open the front door and disable the alarm
A: you'd need a key to get into the front door bright light. see, I knew you were like family!
G i meant..you can somehow um squeeze a key under the door and I can run up tp the front and unlock ..ok fine i've only had one cup of coffee!

update: she was able to open the back door, run to the front of the house and disarm the alarm in the set amount of time. and no, her family did not lock her in her basement on purpose- as much as that would make for a a more intersting story.

oh and guess who got a photo of tiki barber on saturday?..and no I don't mean I bought a photo of him. yes I was feet (ok maybe 20) away from his hotness.

fall for books you crafty bastards!

So a bunch of evenst are going on this week(end).

first we have fall for the book festiavl at GMU (and vicinity) until Saturday.

then we have the naitonal book festival on the mall. 4 words: salman rusdie and tiki barber, ok thats 5 words if you inlcude the "and" but whatevs.

Now for Arts (as opposed to the literary arts, these are visual and performing arts...)

Friday is the opening for the Ansel Admas and Geoegia O Keefe exhibit at the Amercain Art Museum. Ongoing at the Corcoran is the Richard Avedon exhibit

Saturday we have Arts by George at GMU.

And lets not forget on Sunday is Crafty Bastards in Adams Morgan.

Also, International Graduate University is playing at DC9 tomorrow (Thursday) night with a couple other bands. If I get my homework done in time I will def seee them. Yes I know I just sounded like an 8th grader but f it. Welcome to my life. want a sip of this yummy grape flavored pepto bismo?
Oh and call in the national guard...we have an emergency here of epic proportions. all the single men here are douchebags. something has turned them all into major f'in tool bags. except you, if you are single and reading this blog, you are exempt. b/c just by reading this makes you awesome and not a friggin jackass. and no, I will not turn lesbo. not that there is anything wrong with it.

oh which reminds me- the VA Wine Festival is this weekend at the Prince William County fairgrounds. go drink. be happy. wine makes everything better. except hangovers. oof. they have shuttle bus service out there, so you can fully enjoy your vino.

If you are interested in attending any of these events, lemme know.

oh and don't bake before bed. unlesss you want to know what a tray of brownies looks like after being in the oven for four hours. And if you do, well, I have pictures. so much for my contribution to the NAEA bake sale. Maybe I need to hold a baksesale of my own, the I still havent' gotten monies for student loan yet and I have a tuition payment coming up in 2 weeks and I have no f'in clue how I'm going to make it. Where the hell is that pepto bismo...
lotto. I need to play lotto. b/c I can't find a sugar daddy b/c all single men are douchebags.
and my feng shui money tree plant is official dead. ominous. ugh.
dead plants, bills I don't have denero to pay, a tray of charcoal aka dead brownies, and a certain someone hasn't contacted me. no, its not the prize patrol, although that would be awesome. but I gots my grape flavored..-hey why don't they put the same crap that they put in cough syrups to make ya all loopy in this pink crap? I mean, throw a sister a bone!
off to make a hair appointment at the student salon place. yup, haircuttery is currently out of my budget. good times.
this pepto should really have some sudafed or meth or something in it.

cupcake taste testers needed!!!

CUPCAKE TASTERS NEEDED! SUNDAY NIGHT!

Its part of a research assignment I'm doing. seriously. I'm thinking my place. let me know if you're up for it. You will be rewarded with yummy baked goods, and if need be, a hug. from me. that's priceless really. so seriously, let me know if you can make it. my place is CUE bus accessible. break out your mason IDs and get a free ride.



OK I have to admit something. I went to the CWs website and looked at thier playlist. and seriously...some of the music is good. ok maybe its b/c i'm in a numbed state of hysteria right now. that very well could be why. well, not hysteria. just. ughh. i hate visio and all it embodies. i hate PCs. i hate friggin PCs that can't multitask more than one adobe application before crapping out. right as you were trying to save a huge project you are working on.
how'd you guess I hadn't saved for like 2 hours b/c I was on a roll.
and by roll I mean I was under the gun. b/c I was told at 2 pm today that I needed to have a prototype of a very huge project done by COB today.
why today of all days. grr.
normally i would go into workaholic mode. eat the secreat stash of ramen i have in my desk and work until I started seeing double and the security guards would stand post otuside my door.
but I have plans for tonight. and I won't cancel these plans. for many reasons.
so instead I will go into freak out mode and see what i can whip up in the next ooh 20 minutes.
crap.
shakes fist of rage. bites fist to muffle primal screams.

takes deep breath.

remembers what an awesome morning had when visting the 1st and 4th grad art classes.

smiles. goes back to listening to CW music and looking forward to the evening.

c'mon cupcakes! let me know if you're in!